Mike Milbury calling women a ‘disruption’ is nothing new. I’m a woman working in sports, and I’m exhausted

Sometimes, being a woman in a men’s professional sport is exhausting.

The professional sports industry, in itself, is exhausting for anyone. The hours are designed to provide families at home with entertainment during their evenings and weekends, making the hours that go into working for the product difficult. There is passion in spades, which spills over into dramatic words and unreasonable expectations for perfection and entertainment.

But for women, there’s an added layer of exhaustion that comes from just trying to earn a place at the table. It’s an extra element of emotional fatigue that takes an already exhausting profession, and constantly makes you question: do I truly love this world enough to endure everything it keeps putting me through?

Women in hockey were dealt another exhausting blow on Thursday evening when announcer Mike Milbury of NBCSN made an offhand comment mid-broadcast about how nice it’s been not having women as “disruptions” in the bubble.

“If you think about it, it’s a terrific environment,” he said, referring to the bubble cities in Toronto and Edmonton. “With regards to … if you enjoy playing, you enjoy being with your teammates for long periods of time, it’s a perfect place. Not even any women here to disrupt their concentration.”

As a woman, being called a “disruption” in a sports environment is nothing new. It’s the insults hurled in comment sections for articles written by women or trolls shaming their thoughts and opinions on social media. It’s the heavy undertone in the overheard comments by an away team’s PR manager to “get ready, there are women working with this team.” It’s the way long-standing members of the sport still cut their conversations short when women walk up or suggest that one-on-one interviews be done quickly so players don’t “feel uncomfortable with too much banter.” It’s the implications that dressing well is done with ulterior motives, and the demands that everything be said with near-robotic professionalism and never with personality or humour.

I personally grew up in love with hockey. My mother is Canadian and I got my first Toronto Maple Leafs jersey before I hit kindergarten. I put on my first pair of skates so young that I had to have someone lace them up for me.

And at times, it feels like hockey is in love with me, too. I feel the love when I get to coach a group of young kids in Phoenix, Arizona, and I watch them fall in love with the game. I feel the love when those same students write thank-you notes that specify how much they loved having a “girl coach.” I feel the love when I work with goalies in other countries on their off-season training routines, and then get to watch them post incredible seasons with personal best numbers. I feel the love when I get invited to talk on broadcasts and radio shows, podcasts and feature articles, and hear the gratitude for a level of expertise that I’ve spent over a decade cultivating.

At other times, though, I hear those exhausting comments and insinuations that make me feel like I’m a disruption just for being who I am, and it takes some of that love away. I hear a nationally-recognized broadcaster call women disruptions without pretense or apology, and a little more of that love vanishes in the air. And I watch the way marginalized communities in hockey are treated — especially women of color — and I feel like the amount of love that I’ve poured into the sport isn’t exactly the amount of love that the sport is willing to pour back out.

Things are changing, to be sure. We have Blake Bolden and Hayley Wickenheiser working with NHL clubs in pivotal roles. We have Lyndsey Fry spearheading grassroots programs to get girls into hockey skates and onto the ice. We have Kendall Coyne-Schofield and A.J. Mleczko sitting in broadcast booths, Florence Schelling working as a general manager overseas, and professional women’s hockey fighting for its life day after day. Women are earning seats at the table, make no mistake.

But for every leap and bound taken, there are still so many men in the sport who continue to think women are stealing those table seats. There are still Mike Milburys, who think that having women around is disruptive, or that women have to be a certain level of quiet or professional in order to be deemed acceptable.

And frankly, it’s exhausting.